David responds

Very insightful blogs. I love how your travels are spontaneous, where the heart leads you. I've very glad to hear you are coming to know your purpose.

The story of your loss of innocence and how you have played out your life is very interesting. For me, there is the field of action and the field of spirit. They have a close relationship, one is within the other, but the laws of action and reaction are simply a mechanical balancing that takes place. Heres an edited version of a recent post I made:

“Firstly, its important to understand that there are 2 kinds of "seeds" of Samskaras (stored karma/ sins/ stored stress/ life debts - goes by many names) There are seeds unsprouted, that is inactive in our lives. And sprouted or active seeds that are playing out in events and experiences. These seeds, formed in childhood & adolescence are repressed into the hidden recesses of unconscious mind but continue to influence our lives.

So there are 2 types to take care of.

Firstly, you need a practice that brings you in touch with your core being. This may be prayer, chanting, meditation or something similar that brings you that experience of Self/ God/ light and bliss /peace. This is the most important practice as its one that will bring us "home", to true fulfillment. As a side benefit, it "burns" the unsprouted seeds, (forgives our sins) eliminating the future obligations. It also gives us much greater awareness, clarity and acceptance.

The practice you choose is up to you. Each of us has our own path to truth. I consider meditation to be the highest, most direct path but that is for me. Find what resonates with you. Many in the group have good experiences with other practices.

The second part of this is taking care of the sprouted stuff, the tapes and baggage that are active in our lives. The key here becomes awareness and being present. Then we move those dynamics from the sub-conscious automatic zombie like behavior where we seemed doomed to repeat them, to being aware of whats happening and beginning to choose different responses and resolve those inner dynamics. We can reprogram, erase the tapes, and break out of the loops. Like the Photographer did in Bleep. Awareness or consciousness is the source and key to everything.

This second part can be some of our biggest challenges as it requires a self-honesty and clarity that shines through decades (or lifetimes) of ingrained understanding about ourselves. Much of what we think is wrong. Trying to control, decide right and wrong, judge, its all based on a misunderstanding of our relationship with the universe. Those behaviors are natural and normal for the mind and ego, but if we identify with them, consider them "us", then we loose the truth. With awareness and resolution of some old garbage, we gradually come to a series of new understandings and our relationship to self changes. We still judge, get angry, and all that but we change our relationship with that. Instead of being victims to our experiences, we become observers. Rather than being scarred, experiences flow over us like wind and water. We stop leaving a trail of future obligations to be resolved later, like a bad debt. “


From my perspective, you've become aware of this "sin", this bit of karma playing out in your life in a loop, affecting many decisions and responses that followed. It may have been when you took on your lifes load, hence the loss of innocence. You came to identify with the experience. So its also important to understand the REASON you responded that way in the first place - why would someone attack you like that and why would you feel guilt, and so forth. And the reason is because some past actions (sins, whatever) came around in your life for resolution. And now you are resolving them. Without that, the cycle would continue, on into distant futures.

So those old sins have nothing to do with God - they are simply about your actions in the past coming around for resolution. Thats the local/ per action view. There is also the more global view, the view where God is a part of this. The perspective where God is not in the individual actions but does give a guidance, a direction to our lives. No matter how we stray from the correct path, we're still guided to that destiny. Would you for example have connected with Judith if you had not taken a self-review approach for your travels? And would that have happened if you had not had that childhood experience? I've had a couple of times in my life where I saw that perspective, where all the negative things that seemed to be happening where spun off of a single comment from a teacher far away, but it guided my life through others for a number of years. It would have been easier if I hadn't been fighting it.

And remember that the boys karma was his alone. You were merely the catalyst as he was for you. If he had been jailed for his actions, it was because of what he did and his HISTORY. What he had done before. Not because you promised him $. (actually that was a good idea - I never thought of that.)

Hope that helps with your perspective.

Understanding that the great ideas and insights one has are not of your mind but the universal mind, one begins to understand how we are a messenger of God. It is not us doing, it is the play of Nature. Understanding that correctly changes the attitude and that changes the results. Even more significantly, it opens the flow much wider.

Its also important to understand a bit about time. Time is an illusion created in the mind. But as we live in that mind-space, we must deal with things in time, in their own time, and at the right time.

I don't think your blog has changed direction. It was always about your journey - in and out. Thats why its so good. But then , thats your life, isn't it (laughs)

So in your healing, just remember nothing that happened before was a mistake - by you or by God. It was all to lead up to this point in your life so the discoveries would be there and so you can teach. You can't teach what you do not know.

And remember, you don't have a guardian angel. You have a host. Tons. From the personalized view of the world, everything is done by a deva. The leaf falling from the tree, the growing grass, the cars engine, the clouds. The world is packed with spirits. And those assigned to help us grow as we grow, attracted by our touching spirit. We can do it in a way angels can't, which makes human life precious. Contact with Spirit produces soma, the nectar of the gods. So you have a host running about arranging things for you. There is nothing to worry about.

May blessings continue to rain upon you, angel