Liberation from The Prison of a Powerful Mind.

The reason I was being "held" here in Barcelona finally emerged this weekend. I don't know if I told you that I was looking for a Course in Miracles person or center here in Barcelona, and boy did I find it! The way in which it came about was, of course, miraculous. I arrived here, having spent two weeks in Ibiza and Formentara, allowing what I thought would be sufficient time for my new bank card to be couriered to the permanent address I luckily had in Barcelona, where I left one of my bags during my travels. But, due to complete breakdown in communication, it had been sent back, and so I asked for it to be sent again. It turns out, of course, that UPS is the problem. They did not recognize the address in Barcelona, said it was incomplete!! Yikes! So the damn thing wasn't sent until Oct. 4th, a full eight days after I requested the second one be sent, and that one will take another five to seven business days, not counting the nine hour time difference. Which means that I will still be here in mid October, which leaves me a very limited time to go to Poland and see where my mother was born, and see the room in which the miracle of her birth after death occurred. But that is another story, and one I am finally WRITING!

 

All through the thefts and the adventures in Morocco, I kept thinking of how I would connect with someone who studies and loves the Course in Barcelona. I had an English language magazine, and in it was an advertisement for a Unity Church. When I arrived here, after dealing with all the money issues, I finally called the number. Can you imagine my surprise when the woman who answered, the MINISTER,  lived in the same building, one floor down? And her husband, Carlos, is an avid Course student, and wants to start a study group here.She was leaving for Peurto Rico the next day, but we exchanged information, and Carlos and I got together the next day, and he gave me the address of the New Age books tore in Barcelona, where I thought there must be a bulletin board with something leading me to the Course center. There was better than that. There was the Course in Spanish, and all the accompanying books, including the Disappearance of the Universe, by my friend Gary Renard,  which had just been published in Spanish. And when I asked about a Course in Miracles study group the owner of the shop took out her personal phone book, and gave me the address and phone number.

 

The next day, in the shower, I heard the Voice that has been speaking to me more and more powerfully and clearly and simply, ever since I did a phenomenally effective one day workshop with DavidPaul and Candace Doyle in hearing the Voice for God, regardless of your religion. The story of how that Voice came to me can wait, but you might want to check them out. They have a lovely book called The Journey that Never Was, and you can check them out at Rightmindedness.com. it is filled with useful exercises and gentle guidance.

 

The Voice said to me that I should begin now to do my teaching. I came to Europe to do just that. And so, here I am, in Barcelona, where I began three and a half months ago, and last night, for the first time, I gave a mini-workshop at the Unity Church here in Barcelona. It was wonderful. Four women, two from Peurto Rico, one from Germany by way of Brazil, and one from Chile, by way of Vancouver! All of them spoke English. In the morning Carlos, the minister, had given a talk on introjection and how it becomes projection. He used that as an introduction to me and my work, and told them that I was offering to work with them on forgiving their introjected beliefs. They crowded around me after the service, and we arranged a workshop for the evening. Hallelujah!

 

But this is not all. This followed on an absolutely brilliant weekend that I spent in Mataro, outside of Barcelona at a Course in Miracles Center where two teachers from Wisconsin were giving a workshop, which I brought Carlos, the Unity Church Minister, to, and which I attended intermittently all weekend. The energy of Light and Love and healing in that room was phenomenal, and the experience of being in a room with international teachers like myself who welcomed me with open arms and loving hearts was incredible.

 

When I phoned that Center the first words I told her was that in the shower I had been told to begin here in Barcelona teaching the Course, which of Course is not something that CAN be taught. But imagine my surprise when I asked her how she came to the Course and she responded, "in the shower!" She was weeping in the shower, pleading for help when she heard two words, Power and Now. Of course, later that day she told her friend, and she said, The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle (who, by the way, lives in Vancouver and was introduced to Gary Renard during the book tour I drove Gary on.) In The Power of Now, Tolle constantly refers to the Course, and she came to it through that.

 

There are no accidents, eh? 

 

I wonder if you have read The Disappearance of the Universe in your bookstore there, or or Journey That Never Was, by DavidPaul and Candace Doyle. Or if you have A Course in Miracles, or The Journey Without Distance. That is by Robert Skutch, as Dr. Helen Shucman told it to him, and is the story of how the Course came. It is quite amazing.

 

The Journey Without Distance recounts how Helen, five foot one, Jewish, from a well to do family in New York, and born on Bastille Day, July 14th, like me, (you can make any other connections you like) was a professor of Medical Psychology at Columbia University. In 1976, she began hearing voices after a particularly intense department meeting during which the Department head, Dr. William Thetford had stood up and said he was fed up with the way that they were relating to each other and there must be a better way, and he pledged to find it. At that moment, Helen jumped to her feet, and committed to joining him in that quest.

 

A few days later, she started having bizarre dreams of past lives, and seeing a vision of a scroll being offered to her which would reveal everything of her past lives, or everything of her future lives, or everything of her present life. When she found herself answering the Voice, saying, "I think I will stick with the present this time," and the Voice praised her, saying, "You got it right this time," Helen thought she was clearly cracking up, since in the medical model, if you hear voices and see visions you are hallucinating and need immediate medical attention! So she went to see her superior, Bill Thetford, for counsel.  Very sensibly, he asked her what the voice was saying to her. She told him that the voice kept repeating,

 

"This is a course in miracles. Please take notes."

 

Now Helen was a very disciplined research scholar, skilled in taking notes in short hand. She was also a confirmed atheist. As an only child she had lived, at one end of a ten room apartment in Manhattan, with her nanny, an Irish Catholic. Her parents lived at the other end. One night as she observed her nanny muttering words and playing with a sort of bead necklace, she asked her what she was doing, and the explanation of prayer, the Rosary, and religion peaked her interest. She asked if she had a religion, and if so, what was it? The nanny replied that she thought that the family was Jewish, but she wasn't sure. So Helen proceeded to her father's study at the other end of the apartment, where she found him reading the newspaper. When she asked him what religion they were he acknowledged that they were Jewish by birth, but did not practice. After a few tests for the existence of this "God" person,  including some medical experience that terrified her, she gave up on religion, and turned to the Bible solely as literature, along with the works of Shakespeare. She became a brilliant scholar, and those works were the only literature other than scientific research that she read. So you can well understand how stunned she must have been when her superior, Bill Thetford, instead of diagnosing her with psychosis and prescribing a pharmaceutical solution, advised her to simply do as she was asked, and take notes. He said he would read them, and see if she was crazy.

 

The rest is history. Every day, from seven to nine in the morning, for seven years, these two brilliant scholars transcribed the dictation of the Voice, which, it became clear, was the Voice of Jesus, speaking through the Holy Spirit. The Course is a correction of the misperception of his teachings. It is a manual, an answer to the question of HOW to create peace on Earth. It is an explanation of the concepts of sin and evil and death and war and pain and suffering as creations of the ego, rather than the punishments of a vengeful God. It came in the same year that the Pope acknowledged at the ecumenical council that there is only ONE GOD. Many paths, one goal. The Course is a self study course, a sort of combination of Buddhism and Christianity without the guilt. It is not about the worship of pain and suffering and death. It is Jesus explaining that he is not special, that any one of us, in fact all of us, are his equals, and can do what he did, become One, and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

 

Helen always knew that this was the case, that this was the Voice of Jesus, who did not die, and who continues to love and teach us, as he did while he was on Earth. She understood this intellectually, yes but she NEVER accepted what the Voice was saying. She did not believe in God. She resisted what she experienced as her "assignment that she had accepted in another place and time,"  and stood at a distance from the content, merely obediently doing as she had been asked, and taking down the dictation that she heard in  a distinct inner Voice. If you read even one sentence or paragraph of the Course, you will recognize that this is not something written by any human hand, not even Shakespeare could have written it, although the first five chapters or so are in iambic pentameter, as in Shakespeare. The book is holographic, symphonic in nature. The3 writing is so profound that it takes a thought and in a single sentence both creates and undoes any thought you might ever have held as true. It turns what passes for normal perception upside down.

 

At one point during the seven year process, Helen asked the Voice, "Why me?"  He told her, "Because I knew you would do it." Of course, he was right. She did. Despite her resistance. At the end of seven long years, these two brilliant academics had transcribed a document of 1200 pages, a Text, a Workbook with 365 lessons, and a Manual for Teachers. They were so excited that they showed it nervously to a few friends, who showed it to other friends, and as soon as they realized what they had on their hands, they decided they had to publish it. They told the printer that it had been written by Jesus. "Are you kidding? You can't copyright JESUS!" So they put down the author as "anonymous" and so it is. Anonymously yours, J.C.

 

Whether it is actually the Voice of Jesus or not, (which is, of course a huge issue for Evangelical Christians who see anything other than the edited version of the Gospels as written in stone, and therefore anything more recent from the same Source as being from SATAN, and worthy of being BURNED!) the wisdom of the Course is eternal. It does not proclaim to be the ONLY way. Remember, this is A Course in Miracles, not THE Course in Miracles. But it is a clear and cogent and profound guide to the True nature of Reality and the path Home to Who YOU TRULY ARE.

 

The Course can be summed up very simply. In the introduction it states.

 

Nothing real can be threatened.

Nothing unreal exists.

Herein lies the peace of God."

 

Deceptively simple, I must say.

 

Here in Spain I have been wresting with the unreal, with the phantoms and shadows of fear that still dwell in my mind, with the illusion that I can lose what is mine, that it can be stolen, or that I can be attacked and have everything I hold precious taken from me. Yes, I have had things taken, and I have lost, in the illusion, my inheritance, my wallet, my computer, my innocence, my sister. All of that is in the story of my personal history, and may appear true. But it is not. In REALITY I do not even exist as a separate ego with a body and a story. I am a part of all that there is, and all that there is is energy. Energy, as you well know is e=mc2 in the form of mass times the speed of light squared. As one of my Asian students, who stayed up all night studying quarks and black holes and parallel universes told me, "If you went as fast as the speed of light, you would live forever." Ba da bing, ba da boom. Eternity = Infinity. Time stands still, disappears, at the speed of light. That is what happens when we leave our body. The energy form that we were locked into in the form of mass, returns to its Source, which is the Great Rays of Light. It retains, however, its vibrational signature.

 

All of this is being dealt with by quantum physics, and in the What the Bleep movie, and by Cr. Candace Pert and Dr. Fred Wolf, and other scientists who work in conjunction which Stanford, and Harvard, and the Institute for Noetic Sciences, founded by astronaut John Glenn.

 

It appears that time is speeding up. Either that, or it is collapsing.

 

Giving and receiving occur in the same instant, just as attack and defense do.

 

In that context, I am finally recognizing just how powerful my mind is, how quickly whatever I think manifests in time. The other night I had a brilliant demonstration of how there is nothing outside our own mind which creates exactly what we believe, what we believe we perceive. Let me tell you what appeared to happen.

 

I stayed in Mataro where we watched Memoirs of a Geisha with English subtitles. When the movie was finished I told them I was going back to Barcelona on the train. It turned out that the last train had left three minutes earlier, so a kind gentleman offered to drive me home, along with another woman who lived in Barcelona. When we got there he dropped me off neat my address, at Sagrada Familia, Gaudi's unfinished masterpiece. It was midnight, and I was wearing a backpack, clearly a tourist, and I wasn't quite sure where I was. A little disoriented, I figured out the correct direction home, and walked through the streets alone, a little nervous. Ahead of me I saw two men coming towards me on the sidewalk. One passed by. not even looking at me. However, as I feared, the other started heading directly towards me. I kept my head down, and moved to the side to avoid him as he crowded me towards the wall. I looked up and he was "in my face" I jumped back, startled, and he reached out and grabbed my breast, leering. I yelled NO! in English. "How stupidly ineffective," I thought. Here it is happening again, just like when I was a little girl in the woods, and I was standing in a ray of light, with two white butterflies hovering over my head, landing on my head, in a state of pure innocence and grace, and a boy who had been stalking me sauntered out from behind the bushes and invited me to look at the dead squirrel behind some bushes. Nine years old, he attacked me, and terrified me, until I promised him a lot of money if he let me go. He let me go, all those years ago, but they caught him, and brought him to me to be identified in the little hut where the park supervisor held me in her arms and rocked me, as I cried, asking, "Why? Why? Why? I think I have the answer to that question now. 

The man on the sidewalk in Barcleona was another manifestation of this idea that I could be attacked and lose what is most precious to me, my peace. 

He walked away, smugly triumphant, looking over his shoulder and shrugging, as if to say, "That is what you expected, and that is what you got."

 

Thank you, my brother. You are not a stranger. You are my friend, a mirror of my mind that still walks in fear because of that long ago attack in the woods. At some point we all introject the frightening, negative experiences we have as children, and in an attempt to understand them, we believe that it is something about us that provoked that attack, whether it is your mother or your sister mocking you as you sing, and telling you that you can't hold a note, or a boy jumping you and telling you he is going to "F----" you when you are nine years old. It doesn't really matter what the content of the attack is, whether it is in the form of a judgment or a physical attack, it induces guilt and fear, and separates you from your true self, which is innocent. That introjection of guilt is so painful, so unbearable, that we can only stand it for about fifteen seconds, before we project it outwards onto the world. I shook with sheer terror when I saw that fifteen year old boy in handcuffs, with a policeman on either said, preparing to take him to jail once I had identified him, instead of being allowed to go free and rewarded with money as I had promised him. But from that point onward the idea that I had lied to gain my freedom, I had said my father was very rich and would give him money (as any little girl wants to believe...my favourite song that I used to sing in the car while my father was driving me to my ballet lessons was Summertime..."Your daddy's rich, and your mamma's good looking, so Hush, little baby, don't you cry!·" formed my sense of who I was, my self identity. I forgot my Higher Self, my innocence, that moment of sheer bliss and joy and stillness and peace and wonder in the ray of light. I entered a world where I was not only guilty of going into the woods alone, and leaving my little brother and sister to be looked after by the teen-aged baby sitter who only had eyes for the boys at the wading pool, but of having been attacked and thus causing my mother to feel guilty of not protecting me. I had sent a boy to jail, and lied about money. And where was my father who was supposed to be rich and save me?? It was my mother who handled the situation. The boy said that he had been given an assignment to qualify him entry into a teenage boy's gang, to go find a girl and "f---" her. All he could come up with was a skinny little nine year old in a yellow bathing suit, standing with white butterflies on her head, pretending she was Maid Marian in Sherwood Forest! A fairy! A wimp! But he promised he had learned his lesson, and my mother agreed not to press charges. A second violation.

 

And now it was happening again, here on the streets of Barcelona.

 

What a lesson in manifestation!

 

One of the lessons in the Course which I had read the day before was, "If I defend myself, I am attacked." It was immediate. Of course, I was shaken, and walked home quickly, fumbling for my key, trying not to show my wallet, and unable to unlock the door, I was so upset. Maite and Laila welcomed me and listened as I tearfully told them what had happened, and how violated I felt. The Course teaches "In my defenselessness my safety lies," and here I was creating attack AGAIN! I clearly have not understood the lesson! There was Maite, exclaiming, "Povrocita Shelora, Povracita - Bascially, you poor thing, you!" I was a victim again, the little girl in the woods attacked out of nowhere at the moment when my defences were down and I was apparently with God, safe and protected.

 

What a great test, and great lesson. My personal history, my story, repeating itself once more so that I could understand that only I can deprive myself of anything, that my fear had attracted that attack, and the others came from my guilt. That was the beginning of the dawn of light. At that moment of realization, I accepted full responsibility for the creation of my mind, and I blessed that man on the street for being my teacher. I had been told to walk in glory with my head held high. Instead, I walked in fear, with my head held low, communicating my terror to the world, instead of my light and love and certainty.

 

The Universe is only too willing to give you what you expect, and time is speeding up remarkably, so the manifestation of thought into reality is instantaneous.

 

In fact, it will reach its appogee on Octover 17th, this year, at 5:10 pm. At that moment one million souls will be putting out powerful thoughts of love and peace and blessing this earth. Because at that moment there will be an opening that will amplify any thought one million fold! But that is a sidebar. The Course says that if any one mind is fully awake and extending the gift of peace it has received, the radiance of that Light will extend throughout the Mind of God, and save us immeasureable time, at least a thousand years. Since we have been around for at least forty thousand years, that is a lot of time to save!

 

This is the nature of the Disappearance of the Universe. Time will disappear when we no longer have need of it to make real what is not real and never was anyway. Illusion confirns the "tiny mad idea" that we could separate ourselves from all that there is, into seemingly separate egos. But at that same moment of separation from what I call God, the answer was born, a call to joy that is irresistible. In that place of timelessness every problem has already been solved, and everything that we remember in our personal history, our petty self identification, our personal histories, never happened! "

 

"Everything you remember never happened! The only thing you can be certain of about the past is that it is not here!"

 

These words from the Course are frightening to the ego that lives by fear of love which it cannot comprehend. the ego is at best suspicious, and at worst vicious. The closer love gets, the more hostile the ego becomes, and finally, it becomes viscious, and creates what Jesus refers to in the Course as a "slaughterhouse!" It is extremely difficult to accept that the ego, to which we have entrusted the function of protecting us, is actually Hell bent on soul murder. It wants to annhiliate the existence of God, and will do it in the name of whatever we hold Holy, including Scripture!

 

In The Coursse, which was, I believe, sent to correct our misunerstanding of the Bible, Jeus explains how in the hands of the ego, even Scripture is turned to vicious ends, in such erroneous statements as "Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord!" A vengeful, punishing God separating the Good into the line that goes to Heaven, and the evil into the line headed straight for Hell is a delusion created to keep us enthralled in the dream of death forever! When we wake up from that nightmare and realize that we cannot die, that we are beings created of light, and energy, and that we remain forever as manifestations of thought, then the idea of vengeance, judgment, the sins of the fathers being visited unto the fourth generation, beomes as nothing. These thoughts of attack are revealed at their source, merely a mistake in perception that is not real or true. They do account, howerver for the tragedy that is taking place in this nightmare we call the earth, the Tsuami, the wars, the incredible inhumanity of humankind to the Brotherhood of man. It is all merely the energy of fear creating attack sickness, poverty, lack, and misery, culminating in that most dreaded of phantoms, death. The belief that we lose our lives or can have them taken from us, that love is hard won, that we have to deserve our worthiness, that love requires sacrifice and suffering and ultimately loss, is not now, and never has been true.

 

The Course in Miracles teaches us that Love is not something which can be taught, but that the purpose of the Course is to remove the obstacles to the awareness of Love's presence, whihc is constant and eternal, and indestructible. Thsi is the reality that cannot be threatened.

 

This is the infinite creativity of the Universe, the Mind of God. This is the parallel universe that we cannot comprehend that is barely being hinted at in quantum physics, as demonstrated in the movie "What the Bleep do we Know," This is what accounts for the apparently miraculous healings, the moments of indescribable bliss and awakening, which are taking place on this planet simultaneously with the apparently unsolvalbe dilemma of  wars and incomprehensilble suffering.

 

The Course tells us that, since time is already over, that everything has already happened, and all of this is just a dream of time we are dreaming, that every problem has been solved, that there are many anwers we have been given but not yet heard. This is terrifying to the ego, of course, which fears the loss of control, and the end of time, because its illusory neature will be disappeared in an instant, and time will never have occurred. We will all dissolve into the Light.

 

"God is very quiet. There is no conflict in Him."

 

The Mind of God is just stillness and peace. What is all encompassing can have no opposite. There is nothing to oppose, nothing to fear, noting to struggle with, nothing to be right or wrong about. There is no man with a beard dictating punishment or reward. All those ideas are born of the guilt engendered when we thought there must be some way out of here, that we didn't need God. We could be independent that we can take care of ourselves! That us the voice of the ego, not God. That is the idea that there is right and wrong, and if we do wrong, we will be punished by roasting in Hell! The concept of punishment is simply the illusion of guilt for the idea that we could and should separate ourselves from all that IS, from "all THAT, "as my young friend Kristian refers to it, pointing to the stars over the Atlantic Ocean.

 

ALL  judgment presumes we are guilty and must be punished. Many of us only attack ourselves, and think that we maintain our innocendce in that way But since there is only ONE of us, ALL attack is self attack. ALL punishment is self inflicted. It is only us who can deprive ourselves of anything!

 

Caught in a dream of death, and war, and blame and guilt, we just forget who we really are. We identify ourselves as the victims of circumstance.  We feel sorry for ourselves, believing we are alone, unprotected, abandoned and guilty. We righteously justify our greed and selfishness. We confuse the voice of the ego with the Voice of God. We are filled with the fear of the illusory shadow that we call death. We forget where we really came from, and the innocence that is our birthright. We forget we are as God created us, innocent, pure and perfect in every way.

 

There is only ONE of us! The brotherhood of humankind is eternally joined in the mind of God. He is waiting for us to return home. This accounts for that sadness that underlies the longing for home, that sweetness of the forgotten song, the memory of those beautiful people who heard its melody with us, and how much we loved them. We all long to go home, but some of us mistake the home of our childhood for the Home we crave. When we release our personal story, when we take responsibility for being who we REALLY are, we lighten up the Universe immeasurably, and collapse time. In the gap that seemed to exist, there is only LOVE!!!

 

Wheeew!!!

 

Don't know where all THAT came from, but I felt a strong need to record it, so I did.

 

I feel as if I have finally understood just how powerful my mind is. If I can create that attack in a moment of hesitation, bringing my past with me, the attack in the woods, the attack on my inheritnace, the attacks of the man who beat me and dragged me in front of a crowd of people who stood helplessly watching, the attack of the robbers, the police who dismissed the fact that the man who stole my computer was still in the building, the attack of the gypsy in the cafe in Valencia, the attack of the gypsy on the Metro in Barcelona, all of it playing with my guilt ridden mind, like a maestro, then just imagine what it can do when I direct this powerful mind to creating and extending only loving, gentle, kind, forgiving and generous thoughts? Imagine the healing that is possible if my mind is that powerful?

 

In creating all those stories of attack and defence, I forgot who I really am. I am that beautiful, innocent, magical child in the woods, BEFORE the imagined fall from grace, BEFORE the seductive voice of the ego crept in saying that I was a liar, and that I shouldn't have gone into the woods alone, like Red Riding Hood, and that I deserved what I got. 

 

I did not realize how brave and intelligent I was. I did not understand how brilliant it was to get myself out of being raped by seeing that the boy did not really want to do it, that he was afraid too, and that he was innocent! He was just following some crazt ego-driven script of how to be a man that his tribe had imposed on him

 

I have forgiven myself for believing that I was responsible in any way for his choices, or his freedom from punishment. I am not responsible for anyone but my own thoughts.Thoughts are things that take form and manifest in the body, in the events of a lifetime. Finally, here in Barcelona, I am coming home to the Truth of who I am. I am gladly exchanging it for the TRUE freedom of a mind that takes responsibility for its ability to create whatever it wants. I want the peace of God more than anything that this world can offer. I want to disappear into the light, and become one with all that there is.

 

I want love! I want joy! I ant freedom. I want abundance. I want peace. I want innocence. I want bliss. I want adventure. I want eternity!

I want Heaven on Earth.

 

And guess what?

 

I want what I already have! I am the love I seek.

 

Thank God.

 

"When you want only love you will see nothing else."

 

So, now that I have realized just how powerful my mind is, and how instantly it can create, now that I have really heard the Answer, now that my every problem has been solved, all that remains is the rest of the adventure in the illusion of time.

 

When I return home, I realized I do not have to stop my adventure. For ninety-nine dollars, I can get on a Greyhound bus and travel all over North America, stopping at different Course centers, and teaching and learning, just as I have been doing here.

 

Because, as the Course says, "To teach is to demonstrate." And I finally acknowledge the gift I have been given. My mind has been healed. I am awake. And now I have the gift to give and extend to others. I can radiate the light of my forgiven mind, my innocence, throughout the Universe.

 

I am not my credit card, or my clothes, my new boots, or the jewellry I wear. I am not my VERY special crystal that I wear around my neck as a magical talisman to ward off attack. I am pure light and love, and in my defenselessness my safety lies. I can ward off the attack in my own mind by being constantly vigilant, and forgiving any unloving thought, immediately. I can clear it from my mind simply by asking to be forgiven for that thought, and knowing it is not the Truth of who I am. That fast. That simple. I can become simple. For simplicity can not be achieved by one who carries past pain.

 

Here and now I lay down my baggage from the past. All the lovelt clothes I thought would protect me from being rejected as I go older. All the money I accumulated as a protection against a lonely old age. All the degrees I accomplished to prove how much smarter I was than those around me. (How lonely it is to be cursed with a high intelligence quotient, higher than the ninetey fifth percentile!)

 

Now, as I lay down the baggage I thought would protect me, but only burndened me with having to protect it, my story of being a victim of circumstance dissolves. In its place I have become a Pilgrim of Peace and a Teacher of God. My purpose and mission ha emerged. As Judith Skutch, now Whitson, told me, "We have been waiting for you, Shelora!" All it takes is "a little willingness." And I have been willing to be totally honest with myself and own my own creations, all the ways in which I made myself right and others wrong. I have been willing to see the innocence in those who I thought had wronged me. I see through the eyes of love, and all I see is love. I see a forgiven world.

 

I have finally recognized that it is but myself I have been crucifying all these years. I embrace myself with loving kindness, forgiving myelf for all these insane ideas that I made up to justify my specialness which kept me separate. There is nothing outside my own mind, my own perceptions. I am free to create as I wish, becaue the Source of all wills only one thing for me, that I be HAPPY!!!

 

And so, I will make the rest of my life a testament to the Peace of God. I will finally put my trust in Him who protects all, not in credit cards and inheritances of money, and the things of this world. As my aunt Norma so wisely said,  when I told her how my sister had taken my mother's house and sold it four days after she died, despiter her distinct instructions NOT TO, "You can´t take a house into Heaven."

 

And it is true. What you take into Heaven is LOVE.

 

 

I know this for a fact. Because I have been blessed to hear directly from my mother who is in Heaven, a Heaven she never believed in, a place of astonishing beauty, where her mind has recreated her as young and beautiful, with long, "raven-blue black hair" where the skin on her face isn't wrinkled, where the skin under her arms doesn't sag any more. From where she is, in "rehabilitation," she now knows that she was wrong. She knows that she did not understand what her true inheritance was until she died. She told me that she never knew what love was, and she did not understand how much I loved her. She apologized, begged me to forgive her, and offered me a bunch of tiny white flowers. As she always said while she was in a body, she told me from where she is now that "old age is for old people. She always used to crack that "Old age is not all it's cracked up to be. The Golden Years, are not so GOLDEN."  But she added, and this is what gives me comfort, that where she is now, the ambience IS golden. "It is golden here,"she says.  I asked her how it was to die, and she said, "Not bad." Simple. Straightforward. The thing that she had been terrified of all her life, ever since she was born dead, and revived by being plunged into a bucket of ice cold water, a miraculous beginning to a life of a Jewish woman born on Christmas Day, the death that terrified her was "not bad."

 

So.....I have no fear of death. I know that who we really are does not die. I only have one fear left, that I will not accomplish what I was sent here to do. And that fear just disappeared, because, here and now, I am doing what I came here to do, which is to communicate, to use this body to communicate what it really is, which is nothing but pure love!!!

 

And I will continue to communicate, in whatever form I am asked to, for the rest of my life. I will use my gifts from God to extend love and light into the world and confirm that who we really are remains the Truth, that we cannot be hurt, and that God wills only that we be happy and free. And USE the gift of healing that God gave me.

 

When I asked my father, the movie maker, who only had one eye, but whose eyes I  now see through; my father who sends me visions in the blinding white light on the ocean or the snow of wherever light is most intense; seen through his eyes, the light fragments into glorious colours of the rainbow, lime green alternating with navy bue, magenta with torquoise, pink with gold, shimmering transparently on the light of the water or the snow, like a gel on a spotlight, that father tells "This is what it looks like in Heaven. Isn't it gorgeous?")  

 

When I asked him what I should do about the money I had lost to mys sister, which I had counted on to finance my house and make it possible to make my movie about the spiritual adventure story I am writing, he told me two things:

 

He told me: 

 

"All things come to those who wait. There IS a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Your day is coming. Bastille Day."

 

Only those who know me know that that is my birthday.

 

He also told me, when I asked him about my project, (which I am writing with his assistance): 

 

"Take it to the nucleus, and take it to the stars, and it will have vast implications for humanity."

 

And when I ask my Heavenly Father, he says:

 

"Patiencfe is natural to those who trust."

 

As the T-shirt I saw on a street in Barcelona said:

 

                                                                                  "And so it is."

--
May peace prevail.I love you all.
Shelora