Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Trip Home

I took the train from Barcelona to Paris, overnight, thinking it would be 70 Euros to London. It was 225, or $400.00, because it was a ten day school holiday, and the trains were full. I bit the bullet and paid it. Then I took the train from Paris to Chartres, where I was blown away by the beauty of the Cathedral. I stayed there watching the sun set from a cafe beside the Cathedral, and talking with a young man and his father, who had been a priest. Late that night I took a hotel room in Chartres, a lovely prosperous and beautiful little medieval French village, got up at five thirty, took some early morning pictures of the Cathedral, then ran to the train station where I caught the commuter train to Paris, to the Gare du Nord, where I was booked on the Eurostar chunnel train at ten fifteen. I retrieved my luggage,which was HEAVY, despite the fact that I had sent so much home, so heavy that I tripped backwards on an escalator with it Thinking I was falling, I looked backwards and there was a security guard right behind me, smiling. Angels everywhere! I reminded myself that nothing happened, and enjoyed the trip to London with a French family, father and two teenaged kids, and a family from Canada, two gay men, the sister of one of them and the mother of one of them. Got a detailed explanation of how the Chunnel was built, while I drank a litre of wine that I had kept from Spain. Only 2 Euros! Drunk, I arrived in London Waterloo, and found I had to go to Victoria Station. No Sterling, not accepting Euro coins, buying a ticket for the Underground took half an hour, but then I was off to Gatwick, where I bought gifts for my girls, perfume, etc. I was down to one rolling bag and a backpack, but it turned out I had to check in my backpack, because it had makeup and liquids in it, toothpaste even! And I had bought perfume. So I put the backpack and perfume inside a new suitcase, and checked in, and then, when I got to the other side, I was allowed to buy new lipstick! Made no sense whatsoever to me, but it was a good enough excuse to go shopping at Gatwick. The plane was an hour and a half late leaving London, couldn;t even get a gate until half an hour before departure, and the lounge was full! Arrived home only forty minutes late, and then I had to wait for my bag to come off the plane until the very last. An hour and ten minutes in baggage! Thank God my kids waited for me. It was so good to see them.Now I am home, knackered, and, of course, cannot sleep! I have sorted through my mail. My apartment is lovely, and clean. It is missing pillow slips, and the shower curtain has been replaced for some weird reason. But other than that, everything is hunky dory, except I cannot get my computer reconnected. Can't remember how. I'll sort it out in the morning, whenever that is. I haven't slept in three days. This is a torture technique designed to get me to agree to anything, which I am quite sure I have done, or am willing to do. To bed now!

On 30/10/06, David wrote:
Hope the trip back was smooth and enjoyable. Chat soon
May peace prevail.

Monday, October 23, 2006

A Note from the Universe

 I just thought you might enjoy this little Note from the Universe I received this morning.
Excusez-moi, Shelora, but celestial protocol usually involves either a nod, a wink, or at the very least an acknowledging sideways glance while peering over your sunglasses, whenever a life-changing miracle is performed on one's behalf.

And I'm quite sure you know exactly what I'm talking about.

O.K. O.K. I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. And winking over my shoulder is exactly what I am doign this morning.

I have had my miracle. I spentthe weekend teachng my own very first full on workshop here in Granada, and it was FABULOUS!


At the end of the workshop the father of the girl and her brother who brought me here said, I didn't believe a miracle was possible, but now I have had one! He was able to reunite with his father and his daughter and be with them in Loving Presence.

Oh, you're welcome.

Anytime. Anytime at all.

      The Universe

The Course in Miracles Card I received this morning was:


If you knew Who walks beside you on the path you have chosen, you would have no fear.


And I don't! I keep seeing the Johnny Walker signs here. They say: Keep Walking!

This is the one with in-depth visualization guidelines, easy belief-alignment techniques, and the 3 steps anyone can follow to get unstuck...

"Perfect for anyone who feels at all stuck or limited in anyway...!" * "I was in awe again with the material you present!" * "I wondered how you could possibly add to Infinite Possibilities... now I know!" * "WOW... I love how you've simplified universal truths...!" * "I simply do not know how to thank you enough...."

Leveraging the Universe & Engaging the Magic

Thoughts become things... choose the good ones! ®
© www.tut.com ®

They never cease, huh, Shelora? Especially not for you.

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May peace prevail.

Friday, October 20, 2006


I had another miracle yesterday.


I left Barcelona, after doing a session until eleven at night or later,  buzzed from the session, not being able to sleep until three in the morning.  Woken by a knock on my door by my host in the lovely apartment in Barcelona she shared with me, where I was invited to stay for a week,  I got up to catch the plane at eight forty-five.   Groggy, but packed, I went out into the rainy dark streets, (Yes, it does rain here, and there are thunder storms, that last for half an hour!)to find a taxi to the main plaza where Marina had told me I could get an airporter bus.  I managed to get a taxi, but he thought I wanted to go to the airport. When I told him I just wanted to go to Plaza Catalunya downtown, he talked me into taking me  to the bus stop at the city limits, Plaza Espanya, and thius saving time, I would rather have saved the money, since I had plenty of time, but I decided to go with the flow because, frankly, I was too tired to resist. The driver chatted in Spanish about Canada, (which is, by the way universally loved and respected her,) and I realized I understood at least half of what he was saying, and could respond in Spanish, and have a decent conversation.  The Airporter arrived just as we got to the bus stop. I paid him his 9.50€, instead of the 3.50€ I had been expecting, and got on the bus, where I had to pay another 3.75€ for the rest of the ride to the airport. I knew that the taxi driver had stretched the trip to make more money, but I had allowed, since I knew he had been hoping for a trip to the airport, which would have been 25€.


"Give your brother what he wants, " the Course advises, so I did. But it was on my mind as I made my way to the back of the bus.  I exchanged a few words with the man beside me as I placed my backpack on the luggage rack in front of us. As we glided through the early morning dark, I started wondering and second guessing myself. Had I been a fool and let myself be taken advantage of again?  We arrived at the airport. Hoping I understood the Spanish on my email ticket, saying Terminal B, I asked the business man sitting next to me.   He confirmed that I was right. Still half asleep, but anxious, I got off the bus with my suitcase at terminal B.  



I went looking for the Air Europa desk, and asked instructions from the security gurard that was checking in the bags. I told myself that I knew how to do this. I have done it hundreds of times all over the world. But at that moment, pulling myself together, I checked my back, and realized that my back pack was not on I had left my backpack on the Airporter bus!!! In shock, I realized that I had left all  my remaining technical goodies, my cell phone, my camera battery charger, etc., but most importantly, the entire record of my trip, the NOTES FOR MY BOOK, now handwritten in my journal kept daily throughout the last four months, because of the loss of my laptop, 


Oh my GOD, I must be completely STUPID!


STUPID, STUPID STUPID!!!  I kept repeating these words to myself as I went through the revolving door, rushing outside to see if the bus was still there. It was not.


My mother's words echoed through my head. If your head wasn't screwed on, you would forget that too!


I panicked, desperately running around the airport trying to find someone to help me who spoke English. The TouristIinformation protested that she didn't know, and maybe the Airport Police could help me. She gave me a phone number for the airport police, but did not know the number for the Airporter Bus. She told me that  if I wanted the Police, I needed to walk to Terminal A at least ten minutes away, She did not know if they would know the Airporter Bus number. That is typical of "information" in Spain. No one knows anything. And no one speaks English.


They all believe in one thing. FATE! LUCK! BAD LUCK; especially!


I finally found a young man who spoke English, could navigate the pay phone, which remains a mystery to me.  For some reason, I used the money I had to call my friend Gala in Barcelona. She is the angel in the massage therapy clinic who had told her friends about me. Gala Is an angel. The room lights up with her beauty when she smiles. I went there every day just to see her smile! I knew that she wanted more than just to be a receptionist in a massage therapy clinic, and I told her so. This led to her working with me, and   feeling like she had been reborn. She told her friends about me. She must have raved, because they went to the website, said I looked like an angel, and the next day they invited me to come to Granada to work with them.


In the ONE MINUTE phone call that cost 1.85€, I managed to give her the police phone number and tell her what happened. I thought I should go outside and find the airporter bus so we did that.  I got the number of the company from the driver.. But he said there would not be anyone there until 8 o'clock. My plane was leaving at 8:45.


Then I said that I should wait outside until the bus came back. But the man said "It will take around an hour for the bus to go back to the city, and return here. And anyway, you would have to be REALLY LUCKY for your bag not to be stolen, and the bus to come back to the airport with it still there!


I said, "But I am lucky!"


And right then and there I remembered the truth, that we are never alone, that there are invisible angels waiting to help us if we only ask. But we have to ask, and then let them take care of it!


I started visualising my bag being returned to the airport.  


The man had said you will be lucky if someone doesn't steal it! There it was gain, the spectre of the theives in Spain, and I was being given ANOTHER opportunity to create something different.


So I PRAYED BUTT OFF!!! I visualised my bag being proteceted, and coming back to me with everything intact.


Then I thought,  I must check in, so I went to Air Europa and there, in Business Class was a woman who spoke English and had a cell phone which, once she understood what had happened, she let me use, even thought she said her boss would KILL her! She allowed me to phone Gala, and explain what happened and she got it. I gave her the information on the ticket:  which bus, and which driver, etc. She said not to worry, she would do her best to  it back.


And then I had to go because my plane was leaving at eight forty five, and it was eight fifteen. They were boarding. Off I went .I got to the line up with five minutes to spare. The plane left the tarmac at 2 minutes after nine. All the way,   on the plane to Palma Mallorca, in the waiting room at the layover and on the next place to Granada, I continued to visualize my back pack safely being  brought back to the office by the bus driver.


At the airport in Granada I was met by Monica, the beautiful woman who saw my webiste and  said that I must be an angel, and had to work with me. Shecame with her beautiful baby, Lucia, who was  asleep in her stroller.  She brought me here to her brother Oscar's apartment in Granada where I am staying while I teach.


Oscar arrived on the sidewalk, we embraced, and kissed on both cheeks, as we do here in Spain, and he said, "First I must tell you, your rucksack is safe! Gala phoned me to tell me she will pick it up at the office tomorrow, and keep it for you!"


Wow!!! I had had three hours sleep, I was exhausted, but all of a sudden I had energy to spare! What a miracle. I said thank you, and we went on with our day. When I called Gala, she told me that the bus driver had found the bag and had RETURNED TO THE AIRPORT WITH IT!


Shehad  tried to get them to page me, but the plane actually took off at nine o.clock. We were already on the runway taxiing, so it was impossible, but WOW! Talk about the power of the mind to manifest what you think, almost instantaneously. I cancelled any thought that it would be stolen, not even an fragment of doubt, once I recognized my ego mind was wanting to prove that I was a stupid fool, that I deserved something bad to happen to me to punish me for my carelessness. I saw how I did it to myself, and I forgave myself instantly, and it was undone. What a blessing. The Universe delivers exactly what you ask for! So be careful what you ask for! Thoughts are things, so choose good ones!


All I have to say is, "Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!"


Now I am in Granada, where I have my own apartment with my own office.   Last night I met the Master of the Spiritual Centre who has offered his space to us for FREE! His name is Antonio, and he is a writer and a Shaman, and teaches the Kabbala, and has classes of mostly women. We arrived there last night and there were at least twenty women and one man, all stone faced serious, taking notes, while Antonio, a Leo performer, presented a lecture on ....yup, you guessed it, projection and introjection! And attachment to the material world, and how most people hand on greedily to what they have, believing if they give they will have less, but not realizing that giving is the way to abundance. He had given them an exercise to give something precious to them away, and record their reactions. Not one of them had done it. He acted out the way most people live their lives believing they are puppts on strings, and then he finishe his lecture on moving up from the lower base instincts of FEAR and GREED and attachment to the material world to the solar plexus and the heart which lightens your energy, and then to above his head, where he said, in Spanish, over and over, "No  pasa nada"  He said, we should make signs saying, "No pasa nada!"


He had summed up the entire Course in Miracles in two words!


I burst out with the two words in English, that he was holding up over his head: 


In English we say,



I was astounded .My friend and teacher Sandy Levey, seventeen years ago, when she began to teach the Course in MIracles,  had SIGNS made that said,




And here in a room in the Civic Centre in Granada, seventeen years latere,  was a man gesturing with an imaginary sign over his head that said  "No pasa nada Nada!"


What a hoot! Synchronicity abounds.


So that was the second miracle of the day.


Of course, we had to go out for a drink together, the four of us, Monica, Julie her friend who speaks perfect English, and Antonio and I. We recognized each other immediately, and started playing with the cosmic joke of each other, and he admitted that he liked me! I would just have to accept that. He played with mock guilt and we both cracked up! The two girls said that they would have to leave now, but no, it was just playing. And that was what was so delightful. When two teachers who are at the same level meet, it is a delight, and we can play like children.


After he left, Julie and Monica asked me if I wanted to continue in another part of the city close to Alhambra. Even though I was tired, I said Yes. Monica worked in radio and that is where she met her husband. Now she is a new mother, and it is, of course, exhausting and demanding in ways that you can't even imagine. And she is on this spiritual path, wanting to become a spiritual teacher and writer herself.


Apparently, a month ago, Monica had asked Antonio why HE was teaching about the Goddess, and why it was  always male teachers telling women about their spiritual path. She asked him why she couldn´t have a woman teacher. She asked her teacher why she couldn't have a female teacher, and, of course he said she could! But the way he did it was brilliant.


She was moaning about her crisis in her life, and her husband and so on, and he said to her. "You are making a bad death. At least make a good one!" He made her laugh at her drama, and at that moment she realized she could have anything she wanted. She was creating her misery, why not create a miracle?


It seems that I am her answer to prayer, her proof that miracles do happen. And, just to confirm it, when I arrived for lunch with her brother and her husband, the credit cards which had been lost for five days, ever since she went to book the trip for Granada for me, reappeared, as if by magic, in the shirt pocket of her husband's shirt.


And so we ended up in a Morrocan tea house where we had mint tea and talked until Monica had to go and get her baby from her mother's house at midnight. Just before she left, we were joking about witches, and how women were punished in the past for speaking and practicing their truth. At that moment, Monica's eyes bugged out of her head. I remember this! I know you!


Apparently, when she got home with her baby, she couldn't carry her, and her bag, and the bag I had left in the car, and she realized she had left her keys in the car. When she arrived at the door, there wer her husband's keys in the door!


And his name?




This feeling of recognition, and the feeling of being surrounded by light and angels has been happening repeatedly here.


 First it was Kristian, the Spanish Rock Musician, with light all around him, saying he had never experienced anything like this meeting, as if he knew me and I knew him. that happened when he asked me, "What is happening in this world?" And I gave him a real answer.


It happened when I went to the Course in Miracles Center and the teacher came into the room and locked eyes with me, and we recognized each other and broke into a burst of wild laughter. And then at the end of the workshop the translator came up to me, embraced me and said, I heard that you were coming, but I didn't know it was YOU! She repeated it three times, in English. I didn´t  know it was YOU! I didn´t know it was YOU! And then she embraced me, and said how good it was to see me again.


So people are starting to see me as a Teacher.  I don't need to sit and take notes any more. They will sit and take notes while I talk, or learn from me. Sonia told me that she saw me with people sitting at my feet, enchanted, and I was speaking in Spanish. She said I have a lovely voice, and people love to listen to me. Just like my beautiful ex husband said. He told me, long ago, you would have people sitting at your feet and working for you if you only realized how powerful you are. And he got it from hearing my voice on the radio!


The day before i left Barcelona there was a woman in the elevator speaking French. She had a lovely little girl with her, and I spoke with them, as I am wont to do in elevators, thus breaking all conventions. But by the time we reached the top floor, we were fast friends, and she told me that she is a professional editor, teaches young people Final Cut Pro and Avid, and has a Sony broadcast quality camera!!! Wowee!! I should have asked her to come to Barcelona adn do a DVD of the workshop! That is what Sonia told me to do! It is happening so fast, David! The miracles are coming one after another, and it is so easy.  



Back to the Morrocan teahouse. After Monica left, her eyes, bugging out of her head,   Julie got to ask the questions that were burning inside of her. I stepped into the role of teacher, with ease, and gratitude for being allowed to be a vehicle for the Voice for Love. I  listened deeply as she asked  about the power of the dark, and how vulnerable she felt in her meditation to being taken over by the dark forces, and how she felt she could not ignore all the pain and suffering in the world. She was filled with the pain of the nightmare of the illusion, and was paralyzed with the pain she perceived as real.


After a two hour private session with her, over mint tea, she came to realize that she had mistaken sacrifice (crucifixion) for love, and that she did not have to give herself away and exhaust herself in order to love. "

"It is but myself I crucify!"


When she realized that she was giving to the One, and that she could not lose true inheritance, which is Love, she lit up with joy. That recognition, that there is only One of us, and we are all waking up together, gently healing together and going Home together, that, my dear friends, is the true meaning of salvation or Atonement - At ONE ment!!! 

 Once you realize that, "Every encounter is Holy, because you only meet yourself, " then you can stop wearying yourself with the strain of constant judgment, trying to sort out what is evil and what is good.


"What is all -encompassing can HAVE no opposite!"


So there is no need to be on guard constantly trying to protect yourself from attack, and therefore, you are safe.


Just like a little girl waking from a nightmare, you don't shake them awake and yell at them "Wake up. It is just a dream, you stupid thing! Don´t you know anything??" The ego loves that sort of thing. It can be very subtle, undermining any chance at happiness you might allow yourself. In fact, the ego is VERY suspicious of love, or anything resembling happiness. It has a wide range of responses to the approach of love, form suspicious to VICIOUS. This gives rise to what appears to be Hell on Earth! All the pain and suffering, war, gred, envy, suspiciousness, conflict, all the forms of competition, power and oppression, all the conniving and manipulating and calculation and counting and measuring and comparing, and I've got more than you, I'm better than you, "the one with the most toys at the end wins" philosophy, is just the futile posturing of the crazy ego mind.


To think that when you are in a deep state of meditation, or a dream of Peace, One with all that there is, open to the benevolent energy of the "totalidad" or the Universe, floating in a boundless expanse of pure spaciousness which is nothing but eternal love and peace, that this would be an opportunity for the dark forces of greed and oppression and terror to enter in, and attack you, is merely to misunderstand the true nature of love.


Once Julie recognized how she had misunderstood what love was, doubting her own ability to discern between love and attack, she realized she had been crucifying herself in the name of love, giving to everyone but herself. She wept with relief.  Through the process of forgiving herself for what she had created from guilt and projected onto the world, she remembered who she really IS and she came Home to the Truth. That was her moment of salvation, when forgave herself for separating herself, and believing to the voice of the ego which says you must protect yourself, that the best defence is a good offense, that reality is struggle and sacrifice, attack and defence, pain and suffering, and that unless you suffer, you can't earn love, which, of course is conditional! Sheh let go of that false security, and came into the Truth,  become at one with all that there is, which is infinite love and patience, and trust. In that place, nothing can hurt you, or even come close to taking anything away from you. You are One with the infinite Source of all abundance and joy, and all you have to do is extend it.


Teach only LOVE because that is what you are, and to teach is simply to demonstrate.


So that is what I am doing. I have turned my life into a hymn  of praise and healing. I have accepted salvation for myself and I am Home. Now I simply am extending the invitation to anyone who wants to join me. I am doing the work I came here to do. And I am deeply, profoundly happy. The goal was not happiness, but it is the result of giving myself to the ONE. I no longer need to defended myself against a hostile world conspiring to rob me of my peace. Nothing can touch my peace. There is nothing in this world that I would trade for it. I have given everything to the Kingdom, because I now know that that is what I AM, so I give but to myself. Nothing has power over me.



I am AWAKE! I am FREE! I am fulfilling my PURPOSE. I have received a gift, adn now i am sharing it, and like the miracle of the loaves and fishes, it expands to fill the need. Three is, as my dearly beloved ex husband used to say to me, "more where that came from!"


I realized once again how much I love this work, and, even though I could not sleep until three again, it was worht it to see her face light up when she realized that SACRIFICE  IS NOT LOVE,  and that she gives to others by giving to herself.  As a nurse who is constantly dealing with pain and suffering, She natrutally has the inclination to believe that all that pain is real. But, rember the Course says


"Nothing REAL can be threatend.

Nothing UNREAL exists!"

Herein lies the Peace of God."


She offered herself peace and trust and faith,  instead of draining herself and exhausting herself trying to decide whether she could trust herself to distinguish between what is dark power and what is light, and thereby have her power taken from her.


I understand only too well from my own presonal history how all those memories of past lives when women were crucified, (burned, roasted, toasted, tortured, you name it) for being healers and wise women, those days are OVER!


The quickening has arrived. The answer has been given. The problems have all been solved. All we need do now is listen. Hearing is no longer the special function of a few special chosen ones. It is available to all of us if we choose to listen. We are safe to love one another. And we are safe to LIVE OUT LOUD!!


"In my defencelessness my safety lies.



It may seem impossible to believe, it may seem that  attack is more possible when you are "undefended" whether in sleep or in meditation. It may seem as if some force can strike you out of the blue and take your peace from you, that you need to have everything perfectly under control, with your furniture just so, your money just so, your affairs in order, guaranteeing your security, and then something, the stock market crashes, you lose your inheritance that you had been counting on, you get diagnosed with breast cancer, your parent dies, your husband leaves you, you are robbed, you have three car accidents in a row, you are forty two and still not married, and you fear you never will have a child, you are raped, whatever it is, appears to come from outside yourself, and steal your innocence, your peace, your certainty.


Doubt enters in. You give your power away. You  become uncertain. This is too much pain. You swear you will never_____________________ again. Fill in the blank: Share your writing with someone who can criticize you, talk in front of a group of people, love again, trust again, care again about anyone else, give again, etc. And all the time it is not the events that happen to you but the meaning you gave them that is determining what happens.   What we believe we perceive. What we resist persists. We carry it forward and project it, moment by moment onto this moment, and scribble the present in the name of protecting ourselves from the pain of the past, thereby ruining our future and making ourselves right that REALITY is PAINFUL and that Giving is a way to lose and that we are ultimately alone and separate, and that we have no one to trust in except ourselves. Well no wonder we are afraid!!!


But, of course,  this is not the Truth. It is a difficult concept to grasp, but the Truth is that in your DEFENCELESSNESS your safety lies. You are transparent. You are One with the Love that created you. You are still and silent inside, no matter WHAT appears to be happening outside you , no matter how much the puppet strings of Deception are tossing you about.


You don't struggle with the dark forces. You don´t attack the nightmare and make it more real! You turn on the light and tell the child that it is safe NOW! THEN you explain it was just a bad dream and they can wake up into the happy dream. Still a dream, but how much more pleasant to be awake in it, able to play in it, adn have the realization that you are not a puppet being manipulated by the invisible strings of dark and powerful forces over which you have no control!


You are awake! It is beautiful! You can have anything you want! You are the creator of the Universe! When YOU wake up, we save one thousand years in the illusion of time.



A Feather from an Angel

Ok, That does it.
I just finished posting the story of my backpack, Right?
And in the story I also included the story about Julie and Monica, Julie feeling she must stop her process because she had lost control of it, and Monica feeling like she is just beginning her process.
Now, in the story, near the end,  I mentioned that last night when Monica got home from her mother´s, she was carrying the sleeping baby, Lucia. She was struggling to carry her bag which had the keys in it when she heard a a Voice said to her, "It's all right. You don't need them. Leave the bag in the car and go upstairs." She is hearing the Voice! She also tells me that all day she has had the sensation that she is looking at everything, the couch, the chairs, and realizing that SHE created it! Now her only problem is to decide what she wants to create instead.
 This is from the woman who one month ago was saying that her life was over! (And being advised that since she was creating death, she should at least make a good one!
Last night, when she arrived at her door the keys were there waiting for her.. left by her husband, Angel. Coincidence, right? Or, as my daughter Katy would say, "It's just a feather, Mom, " when one appears at the foot of my bed, as I am leaving for Europe, or one appears by my purse on the floor when I am talking with my friend David Buckland in a restaurant in Vancouver, or one starts swirling and leading me out of the wrong turn and towards the Cathedral where I see the Holy Chalice or Grail.
OK. It is a coincidence.
But what do you make of this???
I just went over  to have lunch with Monica who lives across the beautiful clean tiled courtyard from her brother's condominium. (Spanish Tortilla, Tuna salad, and bread and onion soup, wonderful. )
I am standing talking with Momica in the doorway of her kitchen, when she looks down and picks up a FEATHER, saying, "What's this? Where did this come from?" 
I had to say what I believe. They are from Angels! They are evidence that we are being watched over. They materialize in the most unlikely places out of the blue, just to let us know that all is well.
And now I go to give my talk to the group about Hearing the Voice for Love! Ten people are expected.
May peace prevail.

"Nothing Happened!"

May peace prevail.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Liberation from The Prison of a Powerful Mind.

The reason I was being "held" here in Barcelona finally emerged this weekend. I don't know if I told you that I was looking for a Course in Miracles person or center here in Barcelona, and boy did I find it! The way in which it came about was, of course, miraculous. I arrived here, having spent two weeks in Ibiza and Formentara, allowing what I thought would be sufficient time for my new bank card to be couriered to the permanent address I luckily had in Barcelona, where I left one of my bags during my travels. But, due to complete breakdown in communication, it had been sent back, and so I asked for it to be sent again. It turns out, of course, that UPS is the problem. They did not recognize the address in Barcelona, said it was incomplete!! Yikes! So the damn thing wasn't sent until Oct. 4th, a full eight days after I requested the second one be sent, and that one will take another five to seven business days, not counting the nine hour time difference. Which means that I will still be here in mid October, which leaves me a very limited time to go to Poland and see where my mother was born, and see the room in which the miracle of her birth after death occurred. But that is another story, and one I am finally WRITING!
All through the thefts and the adventures in Morocco, I kept thinking of how I would connect with someone who studies and loves the Course in Barcelona. I had an English language magazine, and in it was an advertisement for a Unity Church. When I arrived here, after dealing with all the money issues, I finally called the number. Can you imagine my surprise when the woman who answered, the MINISTER,  lived in the same building, one floor down? And her husband, Carlos, is an avid Course student, and wants to start a study group here.She was leaving for Peurto Rico the next day, but we exchanged information, and Carlos and I got together the next day, and he gave me the address of the New Age books tore in Barcelona, where I thought there must be a bulletin board with something leading me to the Course center. There was better than that. There was the Course in Spanish, and all the accompanying books, including the Disappearance of the Universe, by my friend Gary Renard,  which had just been published in Spanish. And when I asked about a Course in Miracles study group the owner of the shop took out her personal phone book, and gave me the address and phone number.
The next day, in the shower, I heard the Voice that has been speaking to me more and more powerfully and clearly and simply, ever since I did a phenomenally effective one day workshop with DavidPaul and Candace Doyle in hearing the Voice for God, regardless of your religion. The story of how that Voice came to me can wait, but you might want to check them out. They have a lovely book called The Journey that Never Was, and you can check them out at Rightmindedness.com. it is filled with useful exercises and gentle guidance.
The Voice said to me that I should begin now to do my teaching. I came to Europe to do just that. And so, here I am, in Barcelona, where I began three and a half months ago, and last night, for the first time, I gave a mini-workshop at the Unity Church here in Barcelona. It was wonderful. Four women, two from Peurto Rico, one from Germany by way of Brazil, and one from Chile, by way of Vancouver! All of them spoke English. In the morning Carlos, the minister, had given a talk on introjection and how it becomes projection. He used that as an introduction to me and my work, and told them that I was offering to work with them on forgiving their introjected beliefs. They crowded around me after the service, and we arranged a workshop for the evening. Hallelujah!
But this is not all. This followed on an absolutely brilliant weekend that I spent in Mataro, outside of Barcelona at a Course in Miracles Center where two teachers from Wisconsin were giving a workshop, which I brought Carlos, the Unity Church Minister, to, and which I attended intermittently all weekend. The energy of Light and Love and healing in that room was phenomenal, and the experience of being in a room with international teachers like myself who welcomed me with open arms and loving hearts was incredible.
When I phoned that Center the first words I told her was that in the shower I had been told to begin here in Barcelona teaching the Course, which of Course is not something that CAN be taught. But imagine my surprise when I asked her how she came to the Course and she responded, "in the shower!" She was weeping in the shower, pleading for help when she heard two words, Power and Now. Of course, later that day she told her friend, and she said, The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle (who, by the way, lives in Vancouver and was introduced to Gary Renard during the book tour I drove Gary on.) In The Power of Now, Tolle constantly refers to the Course, and she came to it through that.
There are no accidents, eh? 
I wonder if you have read The Disappearance of the Universe in your bookstore there, or or Journey That Never Was, by DavidPaul and Candace Doyle. Or if you have A Course in Miracles, or The Journey Without Distance. That is by Robert Skutch, as Dr. Helen Shucman told it to him, and is the story of how the Course came. It is quite amazing.
The Journey Without Distance recounts how Helen, five foot one, Jewish, from a well to do family in New York, and born on Bastille Day, July 14th, like me, (you can make any other connections you like) was a professor of Medical Psychology at Columbia University. In 1976, she began hearing voices after a particularly intense department meeting during which the Department head, Dr. William Thetford had stood up and said he was fed up with the way that they were relating to each other and there must be a better way, and he pledged to find it. At that moment, Helen jumped to her feet, and committed to joining him in that quest.
A few days later, she started having bizarre dreams of past lives, and seeing a vision of a scroll being offered to her which would reveal everything of her past lives, or everything of her future lives, or everything of her present life. When she found herself answering the Voice, saying, "I think I will stick with the present this time," and the Voice praised her, saying, "You got it right this time," Helen thought she was clearly cracking up, since in the medical model, if you hear voices and see visions you are hallucinating and need immediate medical attention! So she went to see her superior, Bill Thetford, for counsel.  Very sensibly, he asked her what the voice was saying to her. She told him that the voice kept repeating,
"This is a course in miracles. Please take notes."
Now Helen was a very disciplined research scholar, skilled in taking notes in short hand. She was also a confirmed atheist. As an only child she had lived, at one end of a ten room apartment in Manhattan, with her nanny, an Irish Catholic. Her parents lived at the other end. One night as she observed her nanny muttering words and playing with a sort of bead necklace, she asked her what she was doing, and the explanation of prayer, the Rosary, and religion peaked her interest. She asked if she had a religion, and if so, what was it? The nanny replied that she thought that the family was Jewish, but she wasn't sure. So Helen proceeded to her father's study at the other end of the apartment, where she found him reading the newspaper. When she asked him what religion they were he acknowledged that they were Jewish by birth, but did not practice. After a few tests for the existence of this "God" person,  including some medical experience that terrified her, she gave up on religion, and turned to the Bible solely as literature, along with the works of Shakespeare. She became a brilliant scholar, and those works were the only literature other than scientific research that she read. So you can well understand how stunned she must have been when her superior, Bill Thetford, instead of diagnosing her with psychosis and prescribing a pharmaceutical solution, advised her to simply do as she was asked, and take notes. He said he would read them, and see if she was crazy.
The rest is history. Every day, from seven to nine in the morning, for seven years, these two brilliant scholars transcribed the dictation of the Voice, which, it became clear, was the Voice of Jesus, speaking through the Holy Spirit. The Course is a correction of the misperception of his teachings. It is a manual, an answer to the question of HOW to create peace on Earth. It is an explanation of the concepts of sin and evil and death and war and pain and suffering as creations of the ego, rather than the punishments of a vengeful God. It came in the same year that the Pope acknowledged at the ecumenical council that there is only ONE GOD. Many paths, one goal. The Course is a self study course, a sort of combination of Buddhism and Christianity without the guilt. It is not about the worship of pain and suffering and death. It is Jesus explaining that he is not special, that any one of us, in fact all of us, are his equals, and can do what he did, become One, and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
Helen always knew that this was the case, that this was the Voice of Jesus, who did not die, and who continues to love and teach us, as he did while he was on Earth. She understood this intellectually, yes but she NEVER accepted what the Voice was saying. She did not believe in God. She resisted what she experienced as her "assignment that she had accepted in another place and time,"  and stood at a distance from the content, merely obediently doing as she had been asked, and taking down the dictation that she heard in  a distinct inner Voice. If you read even one sentence or paragraph of the Course, you will recognize that this is not something written by any human hand, not even Shakespeare could have written it, although the first five chapters or so are in iambic pentameter, as in Shakespeare. The book is holographic, symphonic in nature. The3 writing is so profound that it takes a thought and in a single sentence both creates and undoes any thought you might ever have held as true. It turns what passes for normal perception upside down.
At one point during the seven year process, Helen asked the Voice, "Why me?"  He told her, "Because I knew you would do it." Of course, he was right. She did. Despite her resistance. At the end of seven long years, these two brilliant academics had transcribed a document of 1200 pages, a Text, a Workbook with 365 lessons, and a Manual for Teachers. They were so excited that they showed it nervously to a few friends, who showed it to other friends, and as soon as they realized what they had on their hands, they decided they had to publish it. They told the printer that it had been written by Jesus. "Are you kidding? You can't copyright JESUS!" So they put down the author as "anonymous" and so it is. Anonymously yours, J.C.
Whether it is actually the Voice of Jesus or not, (which is, of course a huge issue for Evangelical Christians who see anything other than the edited version of the Gospels as written in stone, and therefore anything more recent from the same Source as being from SATAN, and worthy of being BURNED!) the wisdom of the Course is eternal. It does not proclaim to be the ONLY way. Remember, this is A Course in Miracles, not THE Course in Miracles. But it is a clear and cogent and profound guide to the True nature of Reality and the path Home to Who YOU TRULY ARE.
The Course can be summed up very simply. In the introduction it states.
Nothing real can be threatened.
Nothing unreal exists.
Herein lies the peace of God."
Deceptively simple, I must say.
Here in Spain I have been wresting with the unreal, with the phantoms and shadows of fear that still dwell in my mind, with the illusion that I can lose what is mine, that it can be stolen, or that I can be attacked and have everything I hold precious taken from me. Yes, I have had things taken, and I have lost, in the illusion, my inheritance, my wallet, my computer, my innocence, my sister. All of that is in the story of my personal history, and may appear true. But it is not. In REALITY I do not even exist as a separate ego with a body and a story. I am a part of all that there is, and all that there is is energy. Energy, as you well know is e=mc2 in the form of mass times the speed of light squared. As one of my Asian students, who stayed up all night studying quarks and black holes and parallel universes told me, "If you went as fast as the speed of light, you would live forever." Ba da bing, ba da boom. Eternity = Infinity. Time stands still, disappears, at the speed of light. That is what happens when we leave our body. The energy form that we were locked into in the form of mass, returns to its Source, which is the Great Rays of Light. It retains, however, its vibrational signature.
All of this is being dealt with by quantum physics, and in the What the Bleep movie, and by Cr. Candace Pert and Dr. Fred Wolf, and other scientists who work in conjunction which Stanford, and Harvard, and the Institute for Noetic Sciences, founded by astronaut John Glenn.
It appears that time is speeding up. Either that, or it is collapsing.
Giving and receiving occur in the same instant, just as attack and defense do.
In that context, I am finally recognizing just how powerful my mind is, how quickly whatever I think manifests in time. The other night I had a brilliant demonstration of how there is nothing outside our own mind which creates exactly what we believe, what we believe we perceive. Let me tell you what appeared to happen.
I stayed in Mataro where we watched Memoirs of a Geisha with English subtitles. When the movie was finished I told them I was going back to Barcelona on the train. It turned out that the last train had left three minutes earlier, so a kind gentleman offered to drive me home, along with another woman who lived in Barcelona. When we got there he dropped me off neat my address, at Sagrada Familia, Gaudi's unfinished masterpiece. It was midnight, and I was wearing a backpack, clearly a tourist, and I wasn't quite sure where I was. A little disoriented, I figured out the correct direction home, and walked through the streets alone, a little nervous. Ahead of me I saw two men coming towards me on the sidewalk. One passed by. not even looking at me. However, as I feared, the other started heading directly towards me. I kept my head down, and moved to the side to avoid him as he crowded me towards the wall. I looked up and he was "in my face" I jumped back, startled, and he reached out and grabbed my breast, leering. I yelled NO! in English. "How stupidly ineffective," I thought. Here it is happening again, just like when I was a little girl in the woods, and I was standing in a ray of light, with two white butterflies hovering over my head, landing on my head, in a state of pure innocence and grace, and a boy who had been stalking me sauntered out from behind the bushes and invited me to look at the dead squirrel behind some bushes. Nine years old, he attacked me, and terrified me, until I promised him a lot of money if he let me go. He let me go, all those years ago, but they caught him, and brought him to me to be identified in the little hut where the park supervisor held me in her arms and rocked me, as I cried, asking, "Why? Why? Why? I think I have the answer to that question now. 
The man on the sidewalk in Barcleona was another manifestation of this idea that I could be attacked and lose what is most precious to me, my peace. 
He walked away, smugly triumphant, looking over his shoulder and shrugging, as if to say, "That is what you expected, and that is what you got."
Thank you, my brother. You are not a stranger. You are my friend, a mirror of my mind that still walks in fear because of that long ago attack in the woods. At some point we all introject the frightening, negative experiences we have as children, and in an attempt to understand them, we believe that it is something about us that provoked that attack, whether it is your mother or your sister mocking you as you sing, and telling you that you can't hold a note, or a boy jumping you and telling you he is going to "F----" you when you are nine years old. It doesn't really matter what the content of the attack is, whether it is in the form of a judgment or a physical attack, it induces guilt and fear, and separates you from your true self, which is innocent. That introjection of guilt is so painful, so unbearable, that we can only stand it for about fifteen seconds, before we project it outwards onto the world. I shook with sheer terror when I saw that fifteen year old boy in handcuffs, with a policeman on either said, preparing to take him to jail once I had identified him, instead of being allowed to go free and rewarded with money as I had promised him. But from that point onward the idea that I had lied to gain my freedom, I had said my father was very rich and would give him money (as any little girl wants to believe...my favourite song that I used to sing in the car while my father was driving me to my ballet lessons was Summertime..."Your daddy's rich, and your mamma's good looking, so Hush, little baby, don't you cry!·" formed my sense of who I was, my self identity. I forgot my Higher Self, my innocence, that moment of sheer bliss and joy and stillness and peace and wonder in the ray of light. I entered a world where I was not only guilty of going into the woods alone, and leaving my little brother and sister to be looked after by the teen-aged baby sitter who only had eyes for the boys at the wading pool, but of having been attacked and thus causing my mother to feel guilty of not protecting me. I had sent a boy to jail, and lied about money. And where was my father who was supposed to be rich and save me?? It was my mother who handled the situation. The boy said that he had been given an assignment to qualify him entry into a teenage boy's gang, to go find a girl and "f---" her. All he could come up with was a skinny little nine year old in a yellow bathing suit, standing with white butterflies on her head, pretending she was Maid Marian in Sherwood Forest! A fairy! A wimp! But he promised he had learned his lesson, and my mother agreed not to press charges. A second violation.
And now it was happening again, here on the streets of Barcelona.
What a lesson in manifestation!
One of the lessons in the Course which I had read the day before was, "If I defend myself, I am attacked." It was immediate. Of course, I was shaken, and walked home quickly, fumbling for my key, trying not to show my wallet, and unable to unlock the door, I was so upset. Maite and Laila welcomed me and listened as I tearfully told them what had happened, and how violated I felt. The Course teaches "In my defenselessness my safety lies," and here I was creating attack AGAIN! I clearly have not understood the lesson! There was Maite, exclaiming, "Povrocita Shelora, Povracita - Bascially, you poor thing, you!" I was a victim again, the little girl in the woods attacked out of nowhere at the moment when my defences were down and I was apparently with God, safe and protected.
What a great test, and great lesson. My personal history, my story, repeating itself once more so that I could understand that only I can deprive myself of anything, that my fear had attracted that attack, and the others came from my guilt. That was the beginning of the dawn of light. At that moment of realization, I accepted full responsibility for the creation of my mind, and I blessed that man on the street for being my teacher. I had been told to walk in glory with my head held high. Instead, I walked in fear, with my head held low, communicating my terror to the world, instead of my light and love and certainty.
The Universe is only too willing to give you what you expect, and time is speeding up remarkably, so the manifestation of thought into reality is instantaneous.
In fact, it will reach its appogee on Octover 17th, this year, at 5:10 pm. At that moment one million souls will be putting out powerful thoughts of love and peace and blessing this earth. Because at that moment there will be an opening that will amplify any thought one million fold! But that is a sidebar. The Course says that if any one mind is fully awake and extending the gift of peace it has received, the radiance of that Light will extend throughout the Mind of God, and save us immeasureable time, at least a thousand years. Since we have been around for at least forty thousand years, that is a lot of time to save!
This is the nature of the Disappearance of the Universe. Time will disappear when we no longer have need of it to make real what is not real and never was anyway. Illusion confirns the "tiny mad idea" that we could separate ourselves from all that there is, into seemingly separate egos. But at that same moment of separation from what I call God, the answer was born, a call to joy that is irresistible. In that place of timelessness every problem has already been solved, and everything that we remember in our personal history, our petty self identification, our personal histories, never happened! "
"Everything you remember never happened! The only thing you can be certain of about the past is that it is not here!"
These words from the Course are frightening to the ego that lives by fear of love which it cannot comprehend. the ego is at best suspicious, and at worst vicious. The closer love gets, the more hostile the ego becomes, and finally, it becomes viscious, and creates what Jesus refers to in the Course as a "slaughterhouse!" It is extremely difficult to accept that the ego, to which we have entrusted the function of protecting us, is actually Hell bent on soul murder. It wants to annhiliate the existence of God, and will do it in the name of whatever we hold Holy, including Scripture!
In The Coursse, which was, I believe, sent to correct our misunerstanding of the Bible, Jeus explains how in the hands of the ego, even Scripture is turned to vicious ends, in such erroneous statements as "Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord!" A vengeful, punishing God separating the Good into the line that goes to Heaven, and the evil into the line headed straight for Hell is a delusion created to keep us enthralled in the dream of death forever! When we wake up from that nightmare and realize that we cannot die, that we are beings created of light, and energy, and that we remain forever as manifestations of thought, then the idea of vengeance, judgment, the sins of the fathers being visited unto the fourth generation, beomes as nothing. These thoughts of attack are revealed at their source, merely a mistake in perception that is not real or true. They do account, howerver for the tragedy that is taking place in this nightmare we call the earth, the Tsuami, the wars, the incredible inhumanity of humankind to the Brotherhood of man. It is all merely the energy of fear creating attack sickness, poverty, lack, and misery, culminating in that most dreaded of phantoms, death. The belief that we lose our lives or can have them taken from us, that love is hard won, that we have to deserve our worthiness, that love requires sacrifice and suffering and ultimately loss, is not now, and never has been true.
The Course in Miracles teaches us that Love is not something which can be taught, but that the purpose of the Course is to remove the obstacles to the awareness of Love's presence, whihc is constant and eternal, and indestructible. Thsi is the reality that cannot be threatened.
This is the infinite creativity of the Universe, the Mind of God. This is the parallel universe that we cannot comprehend that is barely being hinted at in quantum physics, as demonstrated in the movie "What the Bleep do we Know," This is what accounts for the apparently miraculous healings, the moments of indescribable bliss and awakening, which are taking place on this planet simultaneously with the apparently unsolvalbe dilemma of  wars and incomprehensilble suffering.
The Course tells us that, since time is already over, that everything has already happened, and all of this is just a dream of time we are dreaming, that every problem has been solved, that there are many anwers we have been given but not yet heard. This is terrifying to the ego, of course, which fears the loss of control, and the end of time, because its illusory neature will be disappeared in an instant, and time will never have occurred. We will all dissolve into the Light.
"God is very quiet. There is no conflict in Him."
The Mind of God is just stillness and peace. What is all encompassing can have no opposite. There is nothing to oppose, nothing to fear, noting to struggle with, nothing to be right or wrong about. There is no man with a beard dictating punishment or reward. All those ideas are born of the guilt engendered when we thought there must be some way out of here, that we didn't need God. We could be independent that we can take care of ourselves! That us the voice of the ego, not God. That is the idea that there is right and wrong, and if we do wrong, we will be punished by roasting in Hell! The concept of punishment is simply the illusion of guilt for the idea that we could and should separate ourselves from all that IS, from "all THAT, "as my young friend Kristian refers to it, pointing to the stars over the Atlantic Ocean.
ALL  judgment presumes we are guilty and must be punished. Many of us only attack ourselves, and think that we maintain our innocendce in that way But since there is only ONE of us, ALL attack is self attack. ALL punishment is self inflicted. It is only us who can deprive ourselves of anything!
Caught in a dream of death, and war, and blame and guilt, we just forget who we really are. We identify ourselves as the victims of circumstance.  We feel sorry for ourselves, believing we are alone, unprotected, abandoned and guilty. We righteously justify our greed and selfishness. We confuse the voice of the ego with the Voice of God. We are filled with the fear of the illusory shadow that we call death. We forget where we really came from, and the innocence that is our birthright. We forget we are as God created us, innocent, pure and perfect in every way.
There is only ONE of us! The brotherhood of humankind is eternally joined in the mind of God. He is waiting for us to return home. This accounts for that sadness that underlies the longing for home, that sweetness of the forgotten song, the memory of those beautiful people who heard its melody with us, and how much we loved them. We all long to go home, but some of us mistake the home of our childhood for the Home we crave. When we release our personal story, when we take responsibility for being who we REALLY are, we lighten up the Universe immeasurably, and collapse time. In the gap that seemed to exist, there is only LOVE!!!
Don't know where all THAT came from, but I felt a strong need to record it, so I did.
I feel as if I have finally understood just how powerful my mind is. If I can create that attack in a moment of hesitation, bringing my past with me, the attack in the woods, the attack on my inheritnace, the attacks of the man who beat me and dragged me in front of a crowd of people who stood helplessly watching, the attack of the robbers, the police who dismissed the fact that the man who stole my computer was still in the building, the attack of the gypsy in the cafe in Valencia, the attack of the gypsy on the Metro in Barcelona, all of it playing with my guilt ridden mind, like a maestro, then just imagine what it can do when I direct this powerful mind to creating and extending only loving, gentle, kind, forgiving and generous thoughts? Imagine the healing that is possible if my mind is that powerful?
In creating all those stories of attack and defence, I forgot who I really am. I am that beautiful, innocent, magical child in the woods, BEFORE the imagined fall from grace, BEFORE the seductive voice of the ego crept in saying that I was a liar, and that I shouldn't have gone into the woods alone, like Red Riding Hood, and that I deserved what I got. 
I did not realize how brave and intelligent I was. I did not understand how brilliant it was to get myself out of being raped by seeing that the boy did not really want to do it, that he was afraid too, and that he was innocent! He was just following some crazt ego-driven script of how to be a man that his tribe had imposed on him
I have forgiven myself for believing that I was responsible in any way for his choices, or his freedom from punishment. I am not responsible for anyone but my own thoughts.Thoughts are things that take form and manifest in the body, in the events of a lifetime. Finally, here in Barcelona, I am coming home to the Truth of who I am. I am gladly exchanging it for the TRUE freedom of a mind that takes responsibility for its ability to create whatever it wants. I want the peace of God more than anything that this world can offer. I want to disappear into the light, and become one with all that there is.
I want love! I want joy! I ant freedom. I want abundance. I want peace. I want innocence. I want bliss. I want adventure. I want eternity!
I want Heaven on Earth.
And guess what?
I want what I already have! I am the love I seek.
Thank God.
"When you want only love you will see nothing else."
So, now that I have realized just how powerful my mind is, and how instantly it can create, now that I have really heard the Answer, now that my every problem has been solved, all that remains is the rest of the adventure in the illusion of time.
When I return home, I realized I do not have to stop my adventure. For ninety-nine dollars, I can get on a Greyhound bus and travel all over North America, stopping at different Course centers, and teaching and learning, just as I have been doing here.
Because, as the Course says, "To teach is to demonstrate." And I finally acknowledge the gift I have been given. My mind has been healed. I am awake. And now I have the gift to give and extend to others. I can radiate the light of my forgiven mind, my innocence, throughout the Universe.
I am not my credit card, or my clothes, my new boots, or the jewellry I wear. I am not my VERY special crystal that I wear around my neck as a magical talisman to ward off attack. I am pure light and love, and in my defenselessness my safety lies. I can ward off the attack in my own mind by being constantly vigilant, and forgiving any unloving thought, immediately. I can clear it from my mind simply by asking to be forgiven for that thought, and knowing it is not the Truth of who I am. That fast. That simple. I can become simple. For simplicity can not be achieved by one who carries past pain.
Here and now I lay down my baggage from the past. All the lovelt clothes I thought would protect me from being rejected as I go older. All the money I accumulated as a protection against a lonely old age. All the degrees I accomplished to prove how much smarter I was than those around me. (How lonely it is to be cursed with a high intelligence quotient, higher than the ninetey fifth percentile!)
Now, as I lay down the baggage I thought would protect me, but only burndened me with having to protect it, my story of being a victim of circumstance dissolves. In its place I have become a Pilgrim of Peace and a Teacher of God. My purpose and mission ha emerged. As Judith Skutch, now Whitson, told me, "We have been waiting for you, Shelora!" All it takes is "a little willingness." And I have been willing to be totally honest with myself and own my own creations, all the ways in which I made myself right and others wrong. I have been willing to see the innocence in those who I thought had wronged me. I see through the eyes of love, and all I see is love. I see a forgiven world.
I have finally recognized that it is but myself I have been crucifying all these years. I embrace myself with loving kindness, forgiving myelf for all these insane ideas that I made up to justify my specialness which kept me separate. There is nothing outside my own mind, my own perceptions. I am free to create as I wish, becaue the Source of all wills only one thing for me, that I be HAPPY!!!
And so, I will make the rest of my life a testament to the Peace of God. I will finally put my trust in Him who protects all, not in credit cards and inheritances of money, and the things of this world. As my aunt Norma so wisely said,  when I told her how my sister had taken my mother's house and sold it four days after she died, despiter her distinct instructions NOT TO, "You can´t take a house into Heaven."
And it is true. What you take into Heaven is LOVE.
I know this for a fact. Because I have been blessed to hear directly from my mother who is in Heaven, a Heaven she never believed in, a place of astonishing beauty, where her mind has recreated her as young and beautiful, with long, "raven-blue black hair" where the skin on her face isn't wrinkled, where the skin under her arms doesn't sag any more. From where she is, in "rehabilitation," she now knows that she was wrong. She knows that she did not understand what her true inheritance was until she died. She told me that she never knew what love was, and she did not understand how much I loved her. She apologized, begged me to forgive her, and offered me a bunch of tiny white flowers. As she always said while she was in a body, she told me from where she is now that "old age is for old people. She always used to crack that "Old age is not all it's cracked up to be. The Golden Years, are not so GOLDEN."  But she added, and this is what gives me comfort, that where she is now, the ambience IS golden. "It is golden here,"she says.  I asked her how it was to die, and she said, "Not bad." Simple. Straightforward. The thing that she had been terrified of all her life, ever since she was born dead, and revived by being plunged into a bucket of ice cold water, a miraculous beginning to a life of a Jewish woman born on Christmas Day, the death that terrified her was "not bad."
So.....I have no fear of death. I know that who we really are does not die. I only have one fear left, that I will not accomplish what I was sent here to do. And that fear just disappeared, because, here and now, I am doing what I came here to do, which is to communicate, to use this body to communicate what it really is, which is nothing but pure love!!!
And I will continue to communicate, in whatever form I am asked to, for the rest of my life. I will use my gifts from God to extend love and light into the world and confirm that who we really are remains the Truth, that we cannot be hurt, and that God wills only that we be happy and free. And USE the gift of healing that God gave me.
When I asked my father, the movie maker, who only had one eye, but whose eyes I  now see through; my father who sends me visions in the blinding white light on the ocean or the snow of wherever light is most intense; seen through his eyes, the light fragments into glorious colours of the rainbow, lime green alternating with navy bue, magenta with torquoise, pink with gold, shimmering transparently on the light of the water or the snow, like a gel on a spotlight, that father tells "This is what it looks like in Heaven. Isn't it gorgeous?")  
When I asked him what I should do about the money I had lost to mys sister, which I had counted on to finance my house and make it possible to make my movie about the spiritual adventure story I am writing, he told me two things:
He told me: 
"All things come to those who wait. There IS a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Your day is coming. Bastille Day."
Only those who know me know that that is my birthday.
He also told me, when I asked him about my project, (which I am writing with his assistance): 
"Take it to the nucleus, and take it to the stars, and it will have vast implications for humanity."
And when I ask my Heavenly Father, he says:
"Patiencfe is natural to those who trust."
As the T-shirt I saw on a street in Barcelona said:
                                                                                  "And so it is."

May peace prevail.I love you all.